User blog:Stevethebarbarian/Mario Vs Superior Spider Man
It has been a little bit since I posted the last one. Mario Vs Superior Spider Man This is a battle between the Superior Spider Man, an FC by Stevethebarbarian, and Super Mario of Super Mario Bros fame. Intro Wiz: Primary protagonists are what make a series go. Boomstick: The can be world famous, like Mario, the fat, out-of-work plumber who crushes his foes with his sheer bulk, and who practically no one in the civilized world hasn't heard of- Wiz: Or they can be obscure, having only been heard of by about... 15-20 people max, like Laven Smart, the Superior Spider Man. Boomstick: He's Wiz, and I'm Boomstick and it's our job to weigh their muscles, measure their speed, and check out their gear to figure out who would kill the other one if for no reason whatsoever they were thrown into an arena to kill each other. 'Superior Spider Man' Boomstick: Laven Smart was just a little nerdy pissant until one day when for no reason and with no explanation, he gained ridiculously overpowered superpowers. Wiz: WAIT!!! Just a second Boomstick. Just so that all of you people know, for anyone who took the time to look at Laven's article on the wiki we linked you to, or to anyone who has alleready heard of him, you might wonder, "where is Bodie, his pet symbiote?" well, for the purposes of this battle being fair, and to avoid infringing our "no help" rule, he will have no access to Venom for this fight. Boomstick: Well... ok. Never mind! Only slightly overpowered superpowers! Wiz: He could stick to walls, run at over 80 miles per hour, see danger before it happens, lift dozens of tons, jump hundreds of feet in the air..." Boomstick: Yada, yada, yada. He pretty much has Spider-Man's powers except stronger. Wiz: Well, he can also talk to spiders and make mandibles pop out of his cheeks, from which he can excrete venom. Boomstick: WHOAH! He took this "Spider" Man thing just a little too far, don't you think? Wiz: I suppose so, especially considering that he can not only shoot webs out of his wrists; he can also shoot them out of his anus. Boomstick: T.M.I. Wiz. He isn't going to use that in the fight, is he? Wiz: I can almost guarantee that he won’t. Boomstick: Thank god. Wiz: He was the first to decide that a team had to be formed between the many new superheroes of the world, many of whom, believe it or not, were not blatant copies of Marvel characters. Boomstick: Really? Wiz: Yeah, but most of them were just solo heroes. Boomstick: (Slaps Wiz) You're getting off of track! Wiz: Oh right... anyway, Spider Man is also much harder to kill then the original. He has bones and skin about 10 times tougher than that of the average human, and he can survive anything short of beheading or brain destruction. As well as having tougher bones, he appears to be a lot stronger than it is possible to be with bones like that, as Superiors evidently just don't care about physics. He can also swing at 120 mph from a glass pane without it breaking. He also says "curds" as an expletive a lot. Don't ask me. Boomstick: Really, for the sake of the story, he can't curse? That's just terrible. Wiz: Nope, actually, he and the others on his team curse just as much as the average kid their age, he just chooses to say "curds" as well. Boomstick: (Slaps Wiz) Stay on track man! Keep your head in the game! Wiz: That is getting annoying you know. Boomstick: Oh. Sorry. Wiz:... Ok. Cool. Anyway, although there is another Superior Spider-Man, Laven called himself that just because he felt that he was superior to the original. And he took out the hyphen to avoid confusion. Boomstick: Right. That absolutely ''isn’t confusing at all. The lack of a hyphen totally is a big enough difference. Wiz: Sarcasm doesn’t become you, Boomstick. Boomstick: Well, his greatest asset is his “Suuuuuupeeeeerioooor Moooooode” Wiz: In that form, which is engaged in extreme situations, his eyes glow blue, and all his powers are multiplied 100 fold. Also, in this form, his “war mode” is automatically engaged, meaning he loses all remorse and morals against killing. It is pronounced, “Superior Mode,” by the way. Boomstick: Whatever. On to the other guy. And since we have already done a segment on Mario, we can just repeat it to the letter. Wiz: Good idea! That way, we won’t have to come up with new creative material! 'Mario' Wiz: Mario is one of the star children and possesses many special abilities with the intent of protecting his home, the Mushroom Kingdom. Even as a baby, he was obviously destined for greatness. '''Boomstick: When you've got an army of dinosaurs serving you before you can even speak, you know you're gonna do great things.' Wiz: He is well known for his incredible athleticism and unmatched jumping ability. Boomstick: Who says white guys can't jump? Wiz: Plus, he's a powerhouse, with the strength to lift heavy objects and crush enormous castles. He also uses his bare fists to smash solid brick. Boomstick: With his jumping skills and weight, he can pound an crush his foes into oblivion, and if he needs some extra firepower, well, he's got his entire arsenal of power-ups! Wiz: His first power-up is the Fire flower. With it, Mario obtains pyrokinetic abilities. Boomstick: Really? I always thought the flower was just really spicy. Wiz: He can create and manipulate fire to produce a variety of devastating attacks. Boomstick: He's also got this frog suit thingy. While wearing it, Mario can jump even higher, swim even faster, and breathe underwater. The only problem is no one's really gonna take him seriously wearing that thing. Ha ha! Ah, look at him! Wiz: Several different power-ups have granted Mario flight before, but none as well as the Cape Feather. With it, Mario can fly for an unprecedented amount of time. Boomstick: The Metal Cap turns Mario's entire body into indestructible living steel. But while Metal Mario's extremely heavy, his strength and speed are boosted, giving him ten times more power and just as much agility as before. Wiz: The Starman envelops Mario into a blinding aura of compressed energy, granting increased speed and complete invulnerability for a short time. Touching a normal enemy in this state will instantly kill the foe. And while it's not technically a power-up, Mario has a hammer that can crush almost ANYTHING. Boomstick: It seems like Mario's always popping 'shrooms to get more power. And with the Mega Mushroom, he gets GINORMOUS, mowin' down people, plants, environment, hell, everything! Wiz: Mario has battled a larger variety of enemies than any other video game hero. Whether a foe is large or small, scary or goofy, dumb or deadly, nothing has ever proved too much for him. Boomstick: Except for keepin' track of his woman. She's always gettin' kidnapped and he's always showing up at the wrong castle. Somebody needs to throw a GPS tracking bracelet on that bitch! Wiz: He is fairly impulsive and not much of a strategist, preferring to quickly fight his way through problems before thinking things through. Boomstick: But that doesn't matter, Italy's greatest hero can power through anything! Mario: "It's-a me, Mario!" Interlude Boomstick: By the way, I am sorry that we have to say this whole thing again, but our writer is too lazy to write something different, so time for another ad. Sorry guys. Boomstick: Now, don't get us wrong, we hate to interrupt the fight like this, but we really need to. Wiz: Considering that we are not actually ''commenting on this Death Battle, we don't have much choice on what to say. Boomstick: So we are sending you to the home of the Superior Spider Man, my new bodyguard, over at the FC/OC Vs. Battles Wiki. Wiz: It isn't all that popular, so we could use some help making it grow. Boomstick: Thanks for your time. Now let's watch a national icon and a random FC bloody each other's faces with their bare hands. LET'S GET READY TO DEATH BATTLE!!! '''Pre-Fight' “Where in the name of…” Laven Smart had just found himself on a strange and small world somewhere in space. Despite the tiny size of the landmass, gravity appeared more or less normal, and so did the atmosphere. “This place looks familiar. Where have I seen this place before? Weird, usually when I turn up in a place like this, I’m not alone. But I don’t see anyone. Kenna!!! Tony!!! Mitchell!!! Hey, Carrington? Brendan? Anyone? Whoah. Somebody is out there. As the Superior Spider Man, Laven could sense danger, as well as its position. And he sensed danger. Big danger. As he looked up, he saw the silhouette of an overweight, short man, wearing a familiar cap. “No way. You have got to be kidding me. You have got ''to be kidding me. It can’t be.” “It’sa me, Mario!” “Great curds almighty, it is Super-friggin’-Mario. WHY WORLD, WHY???” Mario got a running start and leapt twenty feet into the air, before coming down with a punch that Spider Man narrowly dodged. He pulled a fire-flower out of his… hammerspace pouches (?) and absorbed it, his clothes turning white. The fight was on. '''FIGHT!!!' Laven struck forward with all of his strength, trying to end the fight with a shot to the throat, but Mario caught his fist, moving incredibly quickly, and blasted him with fire from his other hand. “D-darn it! You’re tougher than you look, plumber-boy. But you aren’t tougher than me.” Laven swept upward with his leg, kicking Mario in the chin and doing some damage. He leapt backward and webbed Mario, before hurling him out into the sky, and out of the gravitational pull of the small planet, and floating off into space. “So much for the whole, winning thing, eh, Super? Well, except for me, of course. Wait, did that make any sense? Oh. Nobody to correct my stupid statements. Oh well…” Unbeknownst to him, the statement was stupid, but not for a reason he suspected. Just behind him rose a starship with Mario’s face upon it, nearly the size of the planetoid that they were standing on at that very moment. “Op, spider-sense again. What is it this time… Uh, oh.” Mario, now using a tanooki suit, dive bombed Laven, and smacked him upside the head with his tail, nearly breaking his neck. Laven countered with a kick to the face, and then finished the combo by twisting Mario’s arm behind his body and webbing the tail to the ground. That wasn’t going to hold Mario though. He ripped the tail out of the ground and punched Spider Man in the chest, but Laven was hardly affected. He delivered a stunning kick to Mario’s face, and prepared to use a pressure point attack to finish him, when Mario popped a Super Star out of nowhere and became invincible, grabbing Laven and smacking him into the ground repeatedly. Spider Man, now beginning to bleed, tried to stop the attack, but was unable to. Mario began blinking his normal colors, and lost his invincibility, and Laven took advantage of the situation by breaking Mario’s arm with his legs, and then tried to get to his own feet only to find that his hip was broken from the battering he had taken earlier. He staggered up, but Mario ate a 1-up mushroom and healed his arm, before eating a mini-mushroom and shrinking to a quarter of his current size, and tried to blitz Laven with quick attacks. Laven was pleased. This was his kind of fight. Whenever Mario tried to land a hit, the Spider Sense told him where it was going to strike before Mario even decided to throw the punch, so he was able to block it. Spider Man strategically planned, timed, and placed a massive kick, sending Mario flying through the air and striking a large rock. Mario ate a mushroom and grew back to his former size, before devouring a giga-mushroom and charging Spidey. Laven tried to stop him with webs, but was unable to, and was stomped by the giant Mario, which broke many of his bones and drove ribs through both of his lungs. He coughed up blood and staggered to his feet as Mario shrunk. “You… Aren’t… The… Only… One… With… Tricks… Up… Your… Sleeve… Spidey tore off his mask, revealing eyes that were glowing blue, and then he charged. He attacked with extreme rapidity, landing 30 brutal punches per second, and then webbed Mario and began smashing him against the ground again and again. Terrifying looking mandibles burst from his cheekbones, and he stepped forward, biting Mario in the neck. Mario lost his mushroom, and shrunk to half his size, and Spidey threw him to the ground. “It’s over, plumber-boy. Goodbye.” Mario had only one reply to that- “Mama-mia!” Laven reached down and picked up Mario, and stared for a moment, deciding how to finish him. He looked down at his own bloody and broken body, coughed up large quantities of blood, and decided. He drove his thumbs into the hero’s eyes, and then pulled, breaking his skull into three pieces by tearing his eye sockets. He dropped Mario. His eyes turned back to normal, he felt the pain enter him again, saw what he had done, and threw up in horror. As he felt his body disappearing, to reappear in his own world, he wondered what impact this would have on this one. He only wondered. Conclusion Boomstick: WHOAH!!! That was awesome! SPIDER MAN WINS. FATALITY. Wiz: That fight was close for a while, but when the Superior Mode kicked in, Mario was a goner. Boomstick: I mean, in that form, Spidey has lifted thousands of tons, and this is without ''Bodie. “''But Boomstick, didn’t Mario survive a supernova? Wasn’t that way more than Spider Man could ever take?” ''No. Common misconception. For one thing, that “star” was… tiny. I have a flat screen TV that size. Also, Mario was being protected by the Lumas at the time, so it doesn’t count. Wiz: Well, technically, we don’t know that, and a star, even that size, would hit like a nuclear bomb. However, this star hit like a trillion nuclear bombs. Remember Boomstick, that supernova apparently destroyed the ''universe. But there is a little rule applying to feats like that. If Mario has been killed again and again by things millions of times weaker, than we can’t use that feat to determine his durability. Boomstick: Laven was faster, stronger, possibly more durable, and best of all, could see Mario’s moves before they ever happened, so his unpredictability was useless. Wiz: I guess Mario just wasn’t keeping his eyes out. Boomstick: You know, there is a reason that you usually leave the puns to me. Wiz: The winner, is the Superior Spider Man. Category:Blog posts